I usually like to flatter myself that I am not an easily upset person, but there is one thing that consistently makes me very, very upset. Like right now. When my plans with my friends are disrupted. Not the little things, like just an afternoon hangout or trip to the mall, but the times when I get to see my friends who live a ways away. The friends I only get to see every few months, especially when I haven't seen them since the beginning of winter semester and I don't know when the next time I see them will be. That's right now. And I'm ticked.
It's a funny thing about plans. Everyone else knows that when one is talking about coming home from a camping trip one has to add at least an hour or two onto the estimated time of arrival because nothing EVER goes according to schedule. Especially with my family. Goodness gracious. We compromised. I wanted to be in Greensboro early and we were supposed to arrive at 5:30. They said they would try to be back by 5, making an arrival time of 6. Well, it's 6:30 now and they aren't back yet and people are going to be LEAVING my aunt's house soon. This is why I am upset. I try not to think about how much I would rather be in Provo right now, but to be honest, this was the big thing I've been looking forward to about coming home, so let's just cancel it right now and have it done with. Who needs friends, anyhow. Someday I will learn better than to write publicly while I'm mad. Until then...you should probably just ignore this post.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Happy Belated Birthday to You...I mean Me
I actually said that when my family was singing happy birthday to me the other night. We had our family celebration a week or so late because I was in Utah on my actual birthday, cleaning the apartment and preparing to move out. *sigh* I wish I was there now. Anyway, my siblings gave me some very nice gifts. I can't speak for Grant yet though because he gave me an extremely difficult math puzzle I have to solve before I can find out what it is. I haven't finished yet...anyway, I am looking forward to watching three new movies with my friends in Utah in the fall, but what I am getting to is what my parents got me. They are going to pay for me to become scuba certified. I know I should be really excited about this--after all, I was asking to do it over and over last year and was very jealous when the scouts did it--but it has brought to surface a lot of conflicted emotions. I guess if I hadn't been so set on working with marine animals at one point it wouldn't be such an issue, but somehow it feels like by doing this I am feeding that part of me that still wants to and when it doesn't happen it's just going to be the same frustration and disappointment all over again. Do you follow what I'm saying? One of my very significant motivations in getting scuba certified is this internship I've had my eye on in awhile...it involves marine mammal care and I want to do it so badly! But pursuing a field I know does not have a place in my future to that extent seems not only frivolous, but detrimental to my chosen one. Which isn't my first choice, but it's what I'm stuck with. Sometimes reality gets in the way of fantasies. Anyway, I think I'm going to do it. But I can't help but feel like I have too many hobbies that are too expensive and time consuming to maintain for long...I just don't know if I can make myself give any up.
To be honest there are several more things that I really, really love and I just know I can't do everything...someone help please! >_<
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| Not the greatest picture I know, but it's what I've got. I love it so much! This one I know I will keep doing--it's currently my minor. I just don't feel like I have enough time to do everything justice. |
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| Don't judge the awkward years =P. This is my sisters and I with my love Sonny. We were working at a riding camp (except Kara--she was a camper). |
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| My seventh grade self doing what I was pretty bent on making of my life at the time. It's not. But let me tell you, if it could be...it would happen. |
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Home is Where the Heart Is
...so where does that make it? My first year at BYU was no contest the hardest of my life. But it was also the most rewarding, the most happy, the most fulfilling, and the most growth-inspiring of my life, no contest. I was so homesick at Thanksgiving I didn't even know what to do with myself. But sliding into Christmas break I was starting to establish myself, and by the end of second semester I was the happiest I can remember being in...well, forever. Now I'm home. But am I really?
Everyone has been asking me how my first year at BYU was. What can I tell them to sum it up in just a few words? Amazing? Incredible? The greatest year of my life? While that is all fine to say and definitely true, it doesn't exactly communicate the reason behind any of it--pretty comparable to saying "good" when someone asks how you are doing. Even if you are legitimately doing "good" (which technically should be 'well' to be grammatically correct, not that any of us are or care) that statement is immediately dismissed as the socially acceptable response, whether you actually are "good" or not. In other fancy words, it doesn't cut it.
On the brighter side, it is wonderful to be back in North Carolina. I had forgotten exactly how beautiful and alive it is here. I was starting to think I was exaggerating in my mind when I remembered exactly how green and alive summers here are, but I think that every year without going through a bleak Provo winter. I've caught myself getting distracted by all the trees mid-conversation when in the car. I just can't get enough of them. This is my house right now (forgive that I took this picture with my phone):
And how wonderful is that? From this distance you can't even see all the weeds hidden behind the bushes and the fact that our lawn needs to be mowed! (Granted, it always needs to be mowed this time of year. You could mow it and five minutes later it would be out of control again) I tried to take a picture from the other side, (I like it better--it looks greener) but my phone said the memory was full. The picture doesn't capture it, but if you stand under that maple tree in the front and look up, during the early afternoon the sun shines straight through the leaves and they layer to make the most beautiful canopy of living green. It's one of my favorite things. This, I've missed. This makes me happy. But my friends make me happy and they're all in Utah =P. Well, they were in Utah. They're all over now. But I miss BYU. I guess you just have to live in the moment sometimes. But thank goodness for facebook!
Everyone has been asking me how my first year at BYU was. What can I tell them to sum it up in just a few words? Amazing? Incredible? The greatest year of my life? While that is all fine to say and definitely true, it doesn't exactly communicate the reason behind any of it--pretty comparable to saying "good" when someone asks how you are doing. Even if you are legitimately doing "good" (which technically should be 'well' to be grammatically correct, not that any of us are or care) that statement is immediately dismissed as the socially acceptable response, whether you actually are "good" or not. In other fancy words, it doesn't cut it.
On the brighter side, it is wonderful to be back in North Carolina. I had forgotten exactly how beautiful and alive it is here. I was starting to think I was exaggerating in my mind when I remembered exactly how green and alive summers here are, but I think that every year without going through a bleak Provo winter. I've caught myself getting distracted by all the trees mid-conversation when in the car. I just can't get enough of them. This is my house right now (forgive that I took this picture with my phone):
Wakeup Call
The title of this blog is a little too applicable to my life right now. Ever since I arrived home I have been probably the laziest person on the face of the planet. I won't tell you what time I've been going to bed, but I've been waking up around noon and then wasting time all day. (Okay, well not completely wasting time. I did learn the scientific name for a humpback whale (Megaptera Novaeangliae--I know it's not common knowledge =P. Don't judge.) and read a book and started three more with a little violin practice on the side). Oh! And I went jogging for over two miles the other day, something of which I am very proud (I'm a terrible runner, k? Don't judge c(= I honestly have probably never run that far in my life without walking in between). Due to my mom's persistence and none of my own, I have been applying to multiple local jobs around Chapel Hill. One of them looked promising, so if I'm lucky I'll have something more to do with my life soon. The point is that all of this accounts for maybe a third of the time I've had this week. So what happened to the rest of it?
What I have come to realize is that being busy is a blessing. When I'm busy I always tell myself all the things I would do if I had spare time (I should make a list) and then when it comes my way I do hardly any of them, to my shame. If I don't have lots of things occupying my time for me I have to find things that will. I have learned that the most important thing a person can do to make herself productive is to wake up in the morning. Yep--that's right. You have to wake up during the summer, even when there is nothing scheduled. That means going to sleep too. Because face it, when you wake up at noon there hardly seems a point in getting completely ready if you aren't even going to do anything? And who wants to do anything if they aren't presentable? And then what else is there to do but fudge around and waste time and be a couch potato? Are you seeing the problem here? It's totally a self fulfilling prophecy. And then I have the nerve to stay up late doing nothing and bring the same fate upon myself the next day too (What I didn't mention before is that my little jogging spree took place after ten at night. Goodness gracious, where has my self control gone?) Waking up early makes soooo many more hours in the day! And then you have to fill them, and that's when the new found productivity comes in. So my goal for tomorrow is to wake up at eight. Not exactly monumental, but that's about four hours earlier than I've been doing. When I got home from California I never really got off California time. I am embarrassed to admit that I still have my suitcases splattered on my floor, waiting to rearrange my closet--something I've had enough time to do about three times over by now but haven't gotten around to. I'm out of excuses. Time to set the dreaded alarm clock. Or phone. My alarm clock is packed away in Utah along with all my other possessions that are not strewn about my bedroom floor. Tomorrow, that (the clutter, not the storage part) is going to change. Hello life.
What I have come to realize is that being busy is a blessing. When I'm busy I always tell myself all the things I would do if I had spare time (I should make a list) and then when it comes my way I do hardly any of them, to my shame. If I don't have lots of things occupying my time for me I have to find things that will. I have learned that the most important thing a person can do to make herself productive is to wake up in the morning. Yep--that's right. You have to wake up during the summer, even when there is nothing scheduled. That means going to sleep too. Because face it, when you wake up at noon there hardly seems a point in getting completely ready if you aren't even going to do anything? And who wants to do anything if they aren't presentable? And then what else is there to do but fudge around and waste time and be a couch potato? Are you seeing the problem here? It's totally a self fulfilling prophecy. And then I have the nerve to stay up late doing nothing and bring the same fate upon myself the next day too (What I didn't mention before is that my little jogging spree took place after ten at night. Goodness gracious, where has my self control gone?) Waking up early makes soooo many more hours in the day! And then you have to fill them, and that's when the new found productivity comes in. So my goal for tomorrow is to wake up at eight. Not exactly monumental, but that's about four hours earlier than I've been doing. When I got home from California I never really got off California time. I am embarrassed to admit that I still have my suitcases splattered on my floor, waiting to rearrange my closet--something I've had enough time to do about three times over by now but haven't gotten around to. I'm out of excuses. Time to set the dreaded alarm clock. Or phone. My alarm clock is packed away in Utah along with all my other possessions that are not strewn about my bedroom floor. Tomorrow, that (the clutter, not the storage part) is going to change. Hello life.
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